Clash of the Titans

a film by Louis Letterier

I do not care what the modern marketing trends (Hollywood's own home version of the military/industrial complex) claim, nor do I care much for what Peoria has to say about the current real 3D boomtown rattiness of mainstream moviemaking - give me a cheaply manufactured mechanical owl, a crusty old Burgess Meredith and the stop motion jitterriness, of Ray Harryhausen's classical creations any day over the glossy, computer-generated sterility of this new travesty of a remake having the blatant audacity to call itself Clash of the Titans.

Quite laughable indeed, this new concoction of the classic Greek tale of Perseus is nothing more (or less for that matter!) than your typical modern day summer blockbuster popcorn movie. It has everything one would expect it to have and it lacks in all those categories one would expect it to lack in. In essence it is a perfectly made film for what one should or would expect. Of course anyone with an IQ higher than that of either Snuffy Smith or Barney Google would (and should!) expect a ridiculous romp through once-classical fields and forests and deserts and caves and oceans (and the occasional underworld and/or home of the Gods) of legend and lore. In essence - the typical modern day summer blockbuster popcorn movie.

Sure, this new version, done in shiny 3D (as is obnoxiously appropriate when making the typical modern day summer blockbuster popcorn movie!) may have the supposed better effects and more boom and bang for its dollar (a dollar that has been raised from --- during the original film's 1981 release to ---- for today's multiplex-going crowd!?) and I must admit to enjoying the giant scorpion battle more than I probably should have, as well as the performance of Ralph Fiennes as the despicably droll Hades, but the minuses overpower the pluses by a rather large margin indeed. Where is the lost humanity in the tragic creature known as Medusa? Why is Perseus so damningly dull? Why is the climactic battle so predictably choreographed? Why is Perseus so mind-numbingly dull? What is the point of making this in 3D in the first place? Why is Perseus so godawful dull?

Perhaps it is to be expected - the dumbing down and audience pandering - but that expectation doesn't make it any easier to take when more and more movies these days seem to be becoming just what this is. Where are the blockbusters of old? Those megalithic money machines (though seeming petty cash comparatively speaking with today's Hollywood!) that not only put asses in the seats, but also gave us one hell of an entertaining bang for our buck. Sure, a few slip in now and again (The Dark Knight and last year's Star Trek reboot most notable among them) but more often than not, we are stuck with a mediocrity like this new thing calling itself Clash of the Titans. As I more than alluded to earlier, give me that old time rock and roll - today's music ain't got the same soul. [04/14/10]